How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
