I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
