why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
