You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
