At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
