My pussy is not your playground.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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