my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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