I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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