I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hope mine doesn't look like that
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
