Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
