I need help removing her.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
