Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
