I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
