her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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