while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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