Someone shit on the floor
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
