just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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