I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
