i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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