yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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