Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
