i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
