So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
