I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nobody cheats on THIS.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
