So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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