Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
