3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize