Say something about gay babies.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
