She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
