I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love having hate sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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