He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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