She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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