trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
