he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There's always time for handjobs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
