I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
