Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
