This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
