Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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