im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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