I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
