Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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