By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
