What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
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