Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
