Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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