I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
