you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
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