He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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