You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize