he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
