I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
