I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
