Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
