That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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