I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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