need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
