there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
