I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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