i just sent this text using only my big toe
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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