Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
my liver is dry heaving
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
