We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
