What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
