like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize