did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
