This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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