SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you had me at cake vodka
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Congratulations! We have a period
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
