A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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