I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
