i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
