i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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