Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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