Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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