I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
