i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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