Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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