note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You are the jesus of drinking
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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