Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
